Dunfermline Athletic

Engineered and made in Fife...

Author: Chico Date: Wednesday, 15th Jan 2003

...from old Brockville girders. Now is the time for the winter shutdown

and at this moment in time the “Mighty Pars” should, would and could have been in third place of the SPL barring the Motherwell game the other week. So, are we all getting a nosebleed and getting it right up the other fans yet?

During this barren spell in proceedings I have been gathering reports on other SPL fans and asking them what they thought of the “Mighty Pars” excellent run in form this current season.

The astounding and dare I say the need for the Scottish Educational Board to heighten standards is very apparent. Please, be seated for these –ahem- qualified results!

Q – So, yoosur. Whit dae ye ‘hink o’ the Mighty Pars this season and dae ye ‘hink they will get intae Europe tiger? (spoken in the Fife tongue of course) The replies are as follows –

(fans replies)

Glory hunters (blue, white, red, orange?) -GERS-
Who big man? Are you frae Ednbru place? < big breath > whatareyetalkin’abootyadobberbythewayanthatbut,no?! I’m no a bigot but see they………(interview terminated at that point)

Glory hunters (green)-CELTS-
I tried, see above! (terminated again)

Smells like a brewery roond here –HEARTS-
(100% genuine quote) You’s are nae guid, ye’ll never finish above us in the league! Are you a Hibee?

Whit a hike tae the bus fae Easter Road-HIBS-
No chance, we’ll skelp you lot easy! (legged it when he brought oot the Hibs knuckle-duster and KY jelly!)

The dodgy 50/50 drawers-KILLIE-
“D-A-R-G-O, she was D…, sorry, we were singing at our annual “half-time fundraising” events there, what was that? I can’t hear you for the D-I-S-C-O! (by Ottowan for younger peeps)

A peh at fev tae fev mob-DEES-
I cannae see ye fae ma squinty ned style baseba’ toorie, never mind talk tae ye!

Smokin’ John’s bandits-THISTLE-
We cannae see from up here in the stands for John Lambie’s fag reek!

Furry bits-DONS-
Fits that loon? Div ye nae ken that Eberdeen were thon dug’s ba’s years ago? Fit’s that aboot the Beatles……..?

That bloody drum again-LIVI-
I couldnae hear them fae that feckin’ drum! AAAAAARGH!

Too much like Airdrie-WELL-
I wisnae gonnae stop and park my car there! Jings, my insurance is dear enough!

Thompson wis crap anyway-ARABS-
We’ll never forget THAT Stewart Petrie goal! (inaudible mumbles)

Well, there ye have it. You could say truth and also bollocks I suppose but never mind. I hope this has hopefully saved you from going shopping with the wife since were no playing, if not I laugh in dubious jest.

Adios mi amigos y hasta manana!

CHICO



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