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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Tue 14 Apr 11:01
How the lock down has affected local businesses.
======================================
Bra manufacturers have gone bust.
Submersible makers have gone under.
Food blender companies have gone into liquidation
Dog kennels have called in the retrievers.
The origami paper makers have folded.
The Heinz factory has been canned. They couldn't ketchup with orders.
Tarmac laying companies have reached the end of the road.
The bakery has run out of dough.
The clock maker has wound down and the owner gone cuckoo.
The Chinese has been taken away.
The shoe shop owner has put his foot down, and given his staff the
boot.
The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners.
Baby suppliers have spat the dummy.
The dentist is looking down in the mouth.
The plumbers have gone down the tubes.
Opticians are on the blink.
The broadcasting companies have called in the receivers.
The plastic surgeons business has gone tits up.
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Topic Originator: aaaaaaaaaargh
Date: Wed 15 Apr 19:33
8/10
A fine effort
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Topic Originator: dave67
Date: Fri 24 Apr 11:15
No bad
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Mon 27 Apr 15:02
Tailors have gone for a Burton.
Boxing is out for the count.
Greyhound racing has gone to the dogs.
'Go East' Chinese takeaway has gone west.
Hermits have taken up social distancing.
Meanwhile the Holy Trinity are discussing whether to wear three masks or one.
Post Edited (Tue 28 Apr 12:21)
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Mon 27 Apr 15:15
Good effort onandupthepars
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Mon 27 Apr 15:34
I'm sure there's plenty of mileage in this, Busspass. Great idea for a thread and excellent OP.
Come all you good lateral thinkers - Widtink, Kozma, GGRiva, Rasta, Parrot etc. everyone should have a go and keep the fun-times rolling!
Post Edited (Mon 27 Apr 15:37)
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Mon 27 Apr 20:18
Bondage girls are strapped for cash
Tree surgeons are out on a limb
Lollypop men have reached the crossing point
Bingo callers can only shout one fat lady
Gardeners will have to dig deep
Bakers are kneading the dough
Laundrette owners are in a spin
Ironmongers have banned companion sets
Sweetie shops will suck it and see
Snooker players are at breaking point
Dart players cannot see a finish
Candle makers are at their wicks end
Soap makers are in a lather
Architects have gone back to the drawing board
Canoeists are sunk
Skiers are on a slippery slope
Ach that will do for noo :)
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Tue 28 Apr 12:11
Encore!
Who will win the Golden Globe for Lockdown Puns?
Post Edited (Tue 28 Apr 12:15)
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Tue 28 Apr 12:16
For bungee jumpers it's a stretch too far.
Limbo dancing is at an all-time low.
Accordionists are feeling the squeeze.
Post Edited (Tue 28 Apr 13:02)
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Tue 28 Apr 13:19
Painters have applied the final coat
Bookies are at odds with one another
Nasa has started the final countdown
Wrestlers are trying to grapple with the lockdown
Golf clubs are shafted
Tennis clubs are making a racket
Gynaecologists have plunged to new depths
Poker players have packed it in
Knee pad makers are skint
Telescope makers have seen it far enough
Ladder makers have reached as far as they can
Casinoβs have rolled the last dice
Diarrhoea pill makers have decided to call it squirts
Hay fever pill makers say its not to be sniffed at
Boiler makers are feeling the heat
Lobster fishermen are feeling the pinch
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Tue 28 Apr 13:35
Bravo - well done Busspass, I'm enjoying your efforts. It's fun to read them and fun to try and think o' them. Of course, for some folk I suppose business has never been so good. I find it even harder to think o' them though. Well, home deliveries is one. I'll work on it.
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Tue 28 Apr 19:08
We need a wee bit release in these worrying times onandupthepars I enjoy things like this gets the auld brain working and keeps me young loved your limbo one :)
We are forever shaped by the Children we once were
Post Edited (Tue 28 Apr 20:15)
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Tue 28 Apr 19:11
π
Lettuce seed sales are rocketing.
Sanitizers are cleaning up.
Bank robberies are down. Robbers can't afford the masks.
Post Edited (Tue 28 Apr 19:14)
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Tue 28 Apr 22:16
Karcher are under pressure
DFS have said sofa so good
B & Q said were closed so do it yourself
Spec-savers have had their eyes opened
Laundrettes are washed out
Glue makers have come unstuck
Joiners have saw dust
Electricians are con -fused
Lawyers have rested their case
Mediums are now an extra large
Kilt makes are de-pleated
Spoon makers are living hand to mouth
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Wed 29 Apr 19:40
Brake fluid makers have had to stop
Anti-freeze makers have had their assets frozen
Apple growers have lost their core business
Dunlop tyres sales have gone flat
House sales have reached basement level
Flour mills have ground to a halt
Mirror makers on reflection saw it coming
Cake makers have lost hundreds and thousands
Butchers are down to the bare bones
Tree fellers are now one feller
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Wed 29 Apr 20:50
πππ
Some crackers there Buspass.
My puny efforts today:
The COOP have hired Babe Ruth because he was good at home runs.
People have complained that after delivery men stand on their doorsteps they're no use for sandwiches.
Post Edited (Wed 29 Apr 22:30)
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Wed 29 Apr 20:57
Ta onandup think I'm scraping the barrel now tho No hud oan that wis the coopers
Aye the store plain breed doorstep wi hame made raspberry jam boys oh boy
Take care
We are forever shaped by the Children we once were
Post Edited (Wed 29 Apr 22:09)
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Topic Originator: onandupthepars
Date: Wed 29 Apr 22:37
Aye proper breed wrapped in greaseproof paper, an' home made jam wi' a few deed wasps in. That's why we're so healthy π To be continued methinks...
Post Edited (Wed 29 Apr 22:38)
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Topic Originator: Buspasspar
Date: Fri 1 May 19:26
Can mind back in the 50's onandupthepars we had blackcurrant bushes and remember ma Mam and Dad sitting wi wee scissors topping and tailing each blackcurrant to make the jam
Also remember we bought chickens with the feathers still on and ma Gran burning them off the chicken with lighted newspaper
The guid auld days :)
Take care
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