Topic Originator: renegade master
Date: Thu 4 Oct 17:54
Before it goes!
Warehouse Operatives required, to work for a National client based in Eurocentral area (big warehousey place outside Glasgow on the way to Edinburgh)
Please DO NOT apply if:
you over sleep
you have court often
you do not have a babysitter everyday
you need to get a lift to work later than our work day starts
you experience flat tyres/break downs every other week
have to hold on to a mobile phone all day, or
will become an expert at your job with no need to learn or take advice after the first day.
You must be able to talk and work at the same time. Must remember to come back to work after lunch and when you win the Euromillions give us a call to tell us you're not coming back (yeah, seriously!)
So, we want to hear from you if you can get to Eurocentral (big warehousey place outside Glasgow on the way to Edinburgh) for a start time of between 03.00 and 05.00 (this is when it is still dark and public transport is still sleeping), for the record, this is when we need you to start work, not get out of bed and pretend you are unwell.
If you are a fit, able bodied person (proof of gym membership not required) and not an ex managing director/lawyer who thinks working for £8.78 per hour is beneath them, then call me, Janice (not Jan, Janet, Jesus, that wumman, mum, especially not this one as I am not coming to get you out of bed, wipe your a$$, make your packed lunch and get you off to work) on the number below, where I will make you an appointment (this is like the Doctors where you get a day and time to come see me, you turn up and we talk. Sorry no prescriptions) to get registered, tell you more about the job, make you a coffee, help you fill out the paperwork and I'll even give you a hi-vis vest so you don't get knocked over by the big bad lorry drivers :(
**IMPORTANT** PLLLEEEAAASSSE ONLY CALL BETWEEN 09.00 (BIG HAND ON THE 12, LITTLE HAND ON THE 9, IF IT'S DARK OUTSIDE ITS STILL NIGHTTIME) AND 17.00 ( BIG HAND ON THE 12, LITTLE HAND ON THE 5. THIS IS WHEN NEIGHBOURS IS ON AND BLUE PETER HAS JUST FINISHED) MONDAY TO FRIDAY (THIS IS CALLED BUSINESS HOURS AND WHEN MOST MUGGLES GO TO WORK) TO DISCUSS THE VACANCY. Calling out with these hours will automatically discount you from the process (because clearly you can't read, tell the time, and I will question whether you can actually walk upright without dribbling on your shoes).
(sigh) I need more wine...
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