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 Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Rusty Shackleford  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 09:11

In the pre-apocalypse that we all find ourselves in and the, surely inevitable, Great British toilet roll war of 2020, I'm drawn towards a distant memory of one of my all-time favourite posts on dafc.net when a poster (one of my favourite posters) talked at length about their toilet roll minimalization strategy. I vote that Socks revisits the depths of his memory and does his civic duty by educating us again.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: wetherby  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 10:05

I think he was 4sheets to the wind when he scribed that.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Thaipar  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 10:06

https://www.facebook.com/sabuy.insyd/videos/3810543138988033/

Please don't book me Admin, it will ruin my life.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: veteraneastender  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 12:38

"I think he was 4sheets to the wind when he scribed that."

Well, he won't be able to repeat that wisdom any time soon - we are about to be restricted to a maximum of 2 sheets.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Socks  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 20:23

A very pertinent issue indeed.

Sadly, I am not so well-practiced these days. Injuries have really got the better of me over the last few years and greatly curtailed my hillwalking, meaning that open-air defeacation activities have been rare indeed. Additionally, the Fife Leader, the free paper featuring high-quality amateur poetry that we used to get in Kirkcaldy, is no more. As a result, I have become much more conservative and am careful not to run out, though I had to start my last roll earlier today. Once that goes, maybe an update in a month's time will be in order if I need to reaquaint myself with older methods.

My last outdoor effort was in 2014. I was doing a cycling trip round the West Highlands and saw a campsite marked on the OS map at the tiny village of Shieldaig, near Torridon. It turned out to be just a small field with some camper vans parked. A sign at the entrance stated that camping was allowed and toilet facilities were available at the far end. Confused, I wandered down there - facilities meant a number of large bushes. Despite being tiny, Shieldaig has a very good village pub, so it was not necessary to use the campsite 'facilities' that night. The pub offered a good meal, a TV on which I watched Uraguay beat England at the World Cup, and a very nice toilet. Not a bad night, but the follwoing morning was different. Five minutes after getting back on the bike, I had that feeling of needing to go - immediately. The landscape is somewhat barren in that area and all that was available was heather that hadn't yet come into bloom. Better than bare hands, but not ideal - quite tough, and left a residue. If it must be heather, look for newly grown stuff if possible.

In the past, bracken ferns have been useful when out on the hills. They're reasonably soft but, like heather, tends to leave some residue. Since I last used them I've also found that they contain a carcinogenic compound. I've read articles about them being poisonous if eaten and also of them poisoning water supplies nearby, but for some reason none of the articles I've seen discuss the potential cancer implications when using them as a toilet paper substitute. Given the lack of specific info, probably best used in emergency only.

The gold standard hasn't changed - dock leaves are still unbeatable. Large and soothing, they are simply fantastic. If you have a reliable supply of these nearby, you will never have to fret about shops running out of toilet paper.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Rusty Shackleford  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 21:53

Amazing. I was totally gone at "left a residue".

Close the competition, post of 2020 is decided.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: stereo  
Date:   Mon 16 Mar 22:36

Pmsl!

Every morning I'll be signing like a caged bird you might say,
John, Paul, George and Ringo help pass the hours away,
free as a bird will I be....as another dawn creeps up on me.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: OzPar  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 06:10

People selling toilet rolls for 50 bucks on Amazon.

God bless capitalism...
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: jake89  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 06:42

Quote:

OzPar, Tue 17 Mar 06:10

People selling toilet rolls for 50 bucks on Amazon.

God bless capitalism...


These people are utter scum. Same as the people selling hand sanitiser and paracetamol at a massive mark up.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: parsfan  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 10:48

Quote:

jake89, Tue 17 Mar 06:42

Quote:

OzPar, Tue 17 Mar 06:10

People selling toilet rolls for 50 bucks on Amazon.

God bless capitalism...


These people are utter scum. Same as the people selling hand sanitiser and paracetamol at a massive mark up.


I know someone who has it. He says he's only been to the bog twice in 10 days, so maybe another strategy could be to catch it.

~
The whole world's going home with blue plastic bags
Six bottles of Stella, Jacob's Creek and twenty fags
And you know there is no shame
Because we're all doing the same
Staying in is the new going out
No one's even coming round
~Malcolm Middleton
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: onandupthepars  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 11:21

Smashing post Socks. Shieldaig rings a bell. I was thinking it's well known for something - was it Gavin Maxwell? But I've just looked it up: Maxwell was Sandaig.

I've been to Torridon twice. Nice up there.



Any more stories from your travelling and hillwalking days would be most welcome.



Post Edited (Tue 17 Mar 11:24)
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: parsmad68  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 17:21

Socks, they have redeveloped the campsite and now have glamping huts of which I have the honour of being the first to stay in one.
Staying there at the end of April on a cycling tour if the government does not restrict access.
Will check out the vegetation but might not wish to try the practicalities as suggested!
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Socks  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 20:52

Makes sense that the site has been developed. The increase in tourism in that area recently means any accommodation can be let out quite easily. I stayed there as part of a cycling trip in June 2014, and I think it was just a few months later that this NC500 thing really started getting pushed. I'm sure they welcome the extra tourists, but the increase in traffic makes cycling less pleasant. Bealach na Ba was busy the day I climbed it on the bike (same day I camped at Shieldaig), and it seems to be much worse now.

I did another trip last year on the bike, this time going from Inverness up to the North coast then along the top to get the ferry to Orkney. It was mostly OK, but for the last 20 minutes heading along the coast into Thurso I had a solid line of traffic passing me. Not a single break, must have been 200 cars anyway and that was on a weekday before peak holiday season. Maybe this year will be quieter!
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: parsmad68  
Date:   Tue 17 Mar 21:22

As long as there is no lock down I will be there wearing my specially designed pars cycling top. I am expecting traffic but also taking quieter routes to avoid the expected traffic. All hotels in the area were booked months ago.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: shrek par  
Date:   Wed 18 Mar 21:30

The top corner is one of my favourite places on the planet. Although I did reduce the sheep population by one with the motor last time I was up. Balnakeil beach is just amazing and so is the fishing for brownies in the wee lochs. Go up whenever I can. Just watch when coming down the Gualin just after sun down, bloody sheps.Interesting fact, the garage at tongue now has six recovery vehicles as opposed to the one he had pre NC500 and he's always busy....

Admin.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: OzPar  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 02:49

Back to toilet rolls for a minute...

It has just occurred to me that in the absence of paper rolls and dock leaves for that matter, a rather clever solution might be to go out and buy a water pistol from a toy shop before it is forcibly closed down by the government.

Most hotels I have stayed in Asia have water squirters for your nether regions, which usually work a treat - Japan has really mastered the art with toilet contraptions that require an IT degree to fully appreciate.

But I'm thinking more cheapskate and practical. A couple of bucks, some tap water, a good aim and there you go.

I'll leave the rest to your imagination...

:)
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: jake89  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 07:21

You can retrofit those wee schooshers. They connect at the water inlet for the cistern so just need a splitter/adaptor. Think the fancy ones have temperature control.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: average white par  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 10:32

When I lived in Thailand we called it "the bum gun"... fabulous invention, I sht you not...

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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Thaipar  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 12:12

Quote:

average white par, Thu 19 Mar 10:32

When I lived in Thailand we called it "the bum gun"... fabulous invention, I sht you not...


Some hoses can be lethal when you go some place new for a shecht and the water pressure is shall we say just a tad more than what you expect.
Wouldn't be the 1st time I've had to stuff paper towels in my boxers to stop the blood. Oh the joys 🤣🤣

Please don't book me Admin, it will ruin my life.
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: wetherby  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 16:43

too much info!!!
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: Stanza  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 22:05

Here's an essential accessory for the bike, Socks.

Enjoy the video, anyway. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vzb98tQp53I

_________________

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http://www.easyfundraising.org.uk/causes/dadsc
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: aaaaaaaaaargh  
Date:   Thu 19 Mar 23:07

Someone mentioned bogroll in freezers on the other thread and it made me wonder if that wouldn't be a decent solution for post-vindaloo ring-sting. Discuss (or not).
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 Re: Toilet Roll Strategy
Topic Originator: OzPar  
Date:   Fri 20 Mar 00:32

post-vindaloo ring-sting...


Mmmm. Surely an ice-cube is the most effective solution here?
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